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deaneggsandsam:

when u sneeze in front of your pet and they look like you’ve just offended their great ancestors

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the-pietriarchy:

soul-a-fide:

youngpreciosa:

bigmacmami:

kokainekouture:

musicnerdery:

isseymiyucky:

a-crosstown:

New Slaves

This is so disgusting omg

it really is.

fucking wow

This is so sad

yall making too much of a deal of this who cares 

Yeah sure, who cares.
Who cares when people would rather line up like this every year to spend hundreds on a damn phone than give/donate even just a few dollars to a charity or help out those in need and struggling to sustain themselves.
Spend hundreds to buy an iPhone or spend less than a hundred to change a life?

this just in: human brain incapable of caring about more than 1 thing in a lifetime, iphone owners will never spend money on anything other than a phone ever, buying products of own money because you want them makes one incapable of empathy or knowing about charity

in other news: tumblr users still pretentious shits on high horses who think that they’re better than everyone based on nothing but holier-than-thou assumptions

dragonpikachu:

i-wanna-get-in-englands-pants:

aiyuwithoutatrace:

wegotplansforsammy:

wibblywobblytimeturners:

somewherethats-green:

the worst fuckin thing is

“oh you sing? are you a good singer? SING SOMETHING FOR ME RIGHT NOW”

“do you draw? you do? DRAW ME”

like no

“you write? MAKE ME A CHARACTER IN YOUR STORY”

“you act? CRY FOR ME RIGHT NOW”

“You speak that language?! Say something in it!”

“you murder? KILL ME RIGHT NOW”

The last one seems more doable

biinarykid:

stunningpicture:

Cookie in a milk cup.

I DONT UNDERSTAND THIS PICTURE AT ALL

biinarykid:

stunningpicture:

Milk in cookie cup.

I GET THE PHOTO NOW….

partner: you be the teacher ill be the student ;)
me: okay
me: write an essay on whether theatre architecture of a particular period always reflects that period's culture. i want it on my desk by monday
partner: oh no but... thats such a hard essay... is there anything i can do for extra credit? ;)
me: no
partner: but professor.... surely then i could... persuade you to extend the deadline...? ;)
me: no
partner: so... what do you want, professor?? ;)))
me: an essay on whether theatre architecture of a particular period always reflects that period's culture. on my desk. by monday

dion-thesocialist:

Welcome to my twisted mind. Behold this picture of a white woman smoking. Lay witness to some pastel flowers. So fucking twisted.

dauntlesshadowhunterravenclaw:

TACO NEEDS TO KEEP HIS LITTLE MOUTH SHUT 

worldofhommes:

Maps // Yeah Yeah Yeahs

they don’t love you like I love you.

jaredmayfire:

If we’re dating I will get you sexually frustrated a lot just to amuse myself

Anonymous asked:
This is gonna sound so stupid but what is a fuckboy? lol

rememberingsuunday:

fuckboy symptoms:

  • timothy over here askin’ for nudes when all u did was say hello
  • connor who won’t calm down with his axe spray tryna infect ya lungs
  • colin adding #420 to his bio when he smoked weed one time
  • gregory mad cause u didn’t blow him after the first date

how to spot a fuckboy:

  • white nike tube socks with his adidas sandals
  • he wants to play 20 questions (!!!!!!!!! do not play !!!!!!!!!!! especially if there’s a “;)” involved)
  • relies on his mom but doesn’t respect women
  • looks like he just read one of jaden smith’s tweets in all of his selfies
  • can’t find the clitoris

fuckboys come in all shapes and sizes and results may vary but when he a fuckboy…he a fuckboy…and u will know

dustinmathisen:

ptgreat:

nickcarragay:

petition to make young adult authors stop writing about girls whose lives change when they meet a boy

When she saw him time slowed to a stop.  He was so perfect and she knew her life would never be the same because she had finally found him.  The one.  The first boy she would ever kill.

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thrillboswaggins:

girlwhowasonfire:

shitangiggle:

girlwhowasonfire:

Petition to ban old men from writing books just because they don’t know how to use an iPhone

Petition to have the youth in this country to actually educate themselves instead of spitting out some bullshit they read on some shitty post on facebook that’s untrue, and continues to spread like wildfire.

In 2012, young adults have set the record of completing both high school and college and are on course to become the most educated generation in America history. Maybe you should follow the example of ‘the youth in this country’ and do the same.

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marionisamuffin:

pleasantandcain:

fromladytolifter:

candidlycara:

dance-in-the-shadows:

gracediamondsfear:

wifeyknowsbest:

whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:

A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!

Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

God.

My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”

THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.

THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.

it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

For that last comment.

I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.

Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.

On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?

Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

Story time:

I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”

Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.

Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

It got better.